just a steel town girl on a saturday night

All.I.Can

2012-02-09T18:56:00.001+01:00

a great trailer for a film i am now dying to see, about enviro-friendly outdoor enthusiasts. skiers, predominantly in this film, who care about the environment and see the changes happening on our planet first hand, on the front lines. very cool... GORGEOUS photography, makes me swoon everytime

legendary skiing

2012-02-09T18:49:00.002+01:00

in case you were worried that there isn't enough snow this season, this video shows you that it can still work out... thanks for sharing, Carl Johan! (he's off to Slovenia tomorrow for a week of powder, hopefully...)

long time, long lost

2012-02-02T12:23:00.002+01:00

we were both immigrants in this strange country. she arrived as a child from a war-torn land, the sounds native to this place, reminding her of the atrocities of her homeland. a doorbell, an air-raid siren. a truck passing, maybe soldiers being transported. a door slamming, all manner of horors could be behind it. or this is what i imagined she thought. she never really talked about that time in her life, so i have always tried to imagine what war could do to a person. so young and fragile, thrown out, into the arms of a cold, foreign land.

i arrived here as an adult, but no more composed, no more mapped out than the child that she was. i lost myself in the move. began to question if love was enough to keep me here, if i truly belonged on this side of the ocean. it's not enough to be someone's other half, i thought. i needed an identity of my own. and so i found solace and familiarity in the company of those who also, in some way, felt a kinship to somewhere else.

she and i would joke about what it meant to be an immigrant here. because there is a distinct difference between Swedes and non-Swedes.

we were different from Swedes. and that made us family.

in difference, we found sameness. it was in the way we spoke, the language, our accents, of course. but also in the way we approached people, in our bonds to family and friends, our loyalties, our passions... all different from those of our reluctant host country.

so we bonded. most of the time, we had fun by making fun of others. most of the time, we were drunk or planning to be drunk. but i felt a kinship, despite somehow also feeling quite small beside her. she took up space in a room. her big, immigrant personality, swelling up, taking control of things. i saw a reflection of all the things i sometimes liked about myself, and sometimes didn't: ego, dominance, power, presence, admiration, calculation, opportunism, emotion, warmth, honesty, loyalty.

sadly, we would never really get to know each other. the shadows of a time before our friendship would cover us in the present tense. the darkness would grapple from under the chairs where we sat drinking, and rise up between us, covering our faces from sight, like thick smoke. old habits die hard. things i could not correct in time for our meeting suddenly crept between us. i didn't know how to stop to cycle from repeating itself, as it had always done. her fears, her lifetime of recovery, a decade of searching for safe harbor, vanished.

i could not meet her eyes, she could not meet mine. and when we did, our terror consumed us, our anger and our mutual feeling of being misplaced, misunderstood - here, everywhere, no where - would prove to be the greatest divider of all.

she eventually would learn that i am flawed, deeply and fundamentally. and i would learn that she does not forgive, or forget. she only sorts and organizes her feelings, disappears them into places where she hopes they can no longer be reached. but because of the strength of those feelings, the sheer power and explosivity of them, they cannot be contained.

there is a cause and effect for every event that is set in motion in this universe, i am certain of that. nothing is arbitrary, nothing by chance.

someone i love told me once that we cannot choose to feel pain, sometimes that happens without our control. but we can choose suffering. i choose not to suffer. i choose not to inflict suffering on others.

this is probably the most honest truth behind why i will probably never know the feeling of being understood by, and laughing with my friend again, or the kindness of her true heart, now destroyed by a distance. created by us.

Party of the Year!

2012-01-29T23:47:00.000+01:00

I have borrowed some photos from all kinds of sources here. Because my iPhone has no flash on it (GASP! I live in the stone age, I know, get over it...) And because I was too caught up in the EXTRAVAGANCE, the FOOD, the GLAM, the LIGHTS, the MUSIC, the OUTFITS, the FREE BOOZE... that, and trying not to think about work the next day, and a 3 hour car ride to Småland. So I didn't take very many photos of my own. These first ones came courtesy of the babes at MOJOLifestyle! Thanks for an epic dance party, shoes of, hair everywhere, arms flailing! Glory!

Borrowed from: http://mojolifestyle.se

Next, I stole these from Susanne (above, to the left, with an incredible tan) who was my stand-in date. Jenny is still off frolicking in Aruba at a "work conference" so I was wifeless to this event. It's always exciting with a "boy's night out" as we like to call it, when we leave the madams at home! :)

Okay, so not ALL my hair is gone. But at least 15cm, I swear.

It was by far one of the most amazing spectacles I have ever witnessed. Between the owner of the hotel (an eccentric Norwegian playboy) emerging from a giant discoball, while playing drums inside, to the lobster pyramid, to the ENDLESS array of food, and the even MORE ENDLESS pouring of champagne, this is the most glamour I have ever seen in one place - and the only time I have ever worn false eyelashes! I love them, by the way...

Nerd on Wheels

2012-01-29T23:30:00.000+01:00

The Gothenburg International Film Festival has officially started as of Friday night, and I am the WORST film person in the world, because I have not bought my festival pass yet, NOR have I even LOOKED into the program. I don't really know why. But the buzz just isn't there for me this year. Anyway.

Fobbe, my colleague got me in the film festival spirit today, and took us out to Gothenburg Film Studios on Hisingen. If you have not been out there, you should go... it's even worth the drive if you're not working in film. And if you are, all the more reason. It's a proverbial wet-dream for folks working in the industry, who have been hungry for this kind of studio space, rental possibilities, equipment investments and all around good vibe. We tested out a giant crane, the new Canon C300 which Vingaland recently acquired (and we are patiently awaiting it's arrival) and I learned out to drive a Segway. Is that how you spell it? I felt like Freddan in Solsidan. Except sneakier!

Happy Sunday night everyone...

one of these things is not like the others

2012-01-22T19:03:00.003+01:00

first things first

2012-01-22T17:59:00.002+01:00

okay, so i have discovered HelloGiggles, a bit late, but better late than never. and for most of you, late is standard in my neighborhood (and by neighborhood, i mean our apartment, since it exists in it's own, ever changing timezone) so it's not a big deal that i'm just getting on this dunder-cute train. they have some hilarious and very sweet things to read and look at here. i found a lovely post about yoga, which i think you might all enjoy (i would love to yoga in those long tube socks!)

generally... right now i am having a bit of a panic, sitting at the office alone, working on a sunday night, farting as much as i like because no one is here to hear/smell/complain. what can i say, it's the saving grace for a classy lady like me (insert awkward silence here, followed by the sound of me losing readers in screaming throngs)

anyway, i'm in a panic because i have so much to do! in life! in general! in work! there is so much going on! just for your sake (and mine) i will list the things i have to do in the next 10 days (in no particular order):

1. edit a LARGE film project for IKEA which is comprised of a total of 10-15 20 minute interviews that will be edited - by me - down to 7 minutes.
2. a friend's wedding photos... the last bit of a massive set i took for them in November.
3. a documentary, which most of you are waiting to see, about a certain someone's trip to Guyana, and this certain someone's family
4. photos to my FAB hairdressers, taken in the fall, still to be edited.
5. 2 shooting days for above mentioned IKEA film
6. a glamorous and EXCITING as all f*ck black tie party on Thursday that i have not even begun to mentally prepare for (this girl needs processing time before donning a pair of heels, be warned)
7. mentally preparing to send my beloved off on a week-long conference to ARUBA (i know, i know, i know...why am i not going with her? oh yeah, see points 1 through 6)
8. did i miss something? tell me if i have... and please don't take it personally if its something i need to do for you!
9. A MUSIC VIDEO! i need to/want to/have to/crave to edit this music video we shot (Linnea and I, that is...) a month ago. im dying to edit... itching to edit... literally... no seriously, im scratching all over.

combine all of this with my newly developed passion for running (if you follow my on twitter, you might be sickened by my constant updates from Nike+, but it's one of my biggest forms of motivation right now) and my interest in doing some kind of a cleanse, (which is also written about on HelloGiggles - amazing and so so so true in many ways...) AND BLURRRRRGGGGGGHHHHAAAHH! that's the sound of four million ideas coming out of my head at the same time.

any one else have this issue right now? is it our need, upon entering a new year, to over-achieve? what GIVES man?! give up your words of wisdom, everyone.

that's me in the corner...

2012-01-20T12:44:00.000+01:00

once again, poking my nose into places it doesn't belong....

stealing the show, as usual

2012-01-17T18:43:00.000+01:00

here is me, running past Bharvesh, an awesome guy who works for Ikea in Leiden, Holland. he introduced himself like this:

"hi, my name is Bharvesh, i come from India, basically..."

carl gustaf vs. jim broadbent

2012-01-17T18:41:00.000+01:00

if they ever made a bio-pic about our monarchy here in sweden, these folks would have my vote to play the family. i've already found a dead-ringer for the king:

jim broadbent as...

king carl gustaf

orlando bloom as...

prince carl philip

can you find any other pearls for the rest of the royal family?!

glorious, glorious Maja!

2012-01-16T10:36:00.000+01:00

finally, i can share this with you! Maja has launched her website and is up and running for business! if you need a massage (killer, amazing, energizing, perfect massage) or would like to take a yoga class (zen, yin, fabulous, blissful) or would like help with interior design (i know! what can she NOT do?!) then this is your gal. check out her site. give her a call. i was lucky enough to be her guinea pig during her massage training, AND she let me photograph her for her website. lucky me!

Congrats Maja!

brilliant homepage... brilliant lady!

today is a PJ Harvey kind of day

2012-01-06T14:36:00.000+01:00

listening to Ms. Harvey as i work (i know... i know, it's a holiday... but as grandma says, there is "no rest for the wicked") and the sun is coming through the window of my office. i am alone here, which is good because i'm playing music really, really loud ("Stories from the City, Stories from the Sea" to be exact, "Horses in my Dreams" and "This is Love"... amazing...) and i'm not much in the mood for company. it also means everyone is enjoying a well deserved day off.

life is so contrasting and beautiful and strange.

one day, i can find myself at the top of my game, praising the stars for all i have. and the next day i can find every reason to wander through all the "what ifs" and "whys" and "if onlys"... the variables one has least control over, the items with least relevance to life in this moment, but still, some of the most overpowering thoughts a person can have.

in other words, the regrets and the hesitations and the doubts, as natural as they are, show their faces, jeering and grotesquely pulling at their cheeks, mocking me. odd how they appear when the sun comes out, finally, after months of darkness! strange how they can be conjured up through music, through nostalgia, through longing, back to a time long since passed.

what gives, man!? ha ha ha... in the meantime, i will give thanks for the sun.

Ms. Harvey sings:

But now we float / Take life as it comes

Pilates Complete

2012-01-04T14:11:00.000+01:00

These ladies sure know how to bend and stretch like no other! Amazing strength, flexibility and all-round ass-kicking exercise, pilates is something I have almost been too intimidated to try. All those machines, the ropes and chains and sliding apparatuses. But 2012 might be the year for doing things that scare me. As Jo read last night, out of one of her little books of wisdom:

"recognize the fear, and then do it anyway!"

I took some photos for my beautiful friend Maya (pictured above), who will be teaching yin yoga at Pilates Complete this spring. Linda and Jasmine were kind enough to link to this blog from their website! Hurray for the internet and kind souls!

Maya is a wonderful woman, with an energy that I have never seen in another person. If you've met her, you know what I'm talking about. It was such a pleasure to photograph her in action (and being blissfully still) for her website. She is starting her own practice as a masseuse and yoga instructor! Go Maya go! So great to see people engaging themselves in things they truly love and excel doing! As soon as I have her website, I will post it here.

As for the Cadillac Chicks (aka Pilates Pumas, Reformer Raiders, Bosu Bitches, Jumpboard Jellybeans, Props Pimps)... Check out what they're up to and take some sessions with them! They're amazing, and very inspiring (for starters: both are mums, and take a look at how fit they are!... not to mention, they're pretty nice people as well... ha ha ha *wink*)

Thank you, girls!

Hope to see you soon!

Alana at Work: Smooth Move

2012-01-03T17:27:00.000+01:00

I think I'll start a series of posts that are comprised of stills from my job, where I appear on camera by accident. I promise to not try and appear on purpose. I have just found so many weird moments where I just sort of pop up. Here I am applying make-up (badly) to the CEO of Playing for Change, a non-profit organization supporting social entrepreneurs in Sweden and in Ghana. So, she's pretty important. The last post I put up of me in the background at an IKEA store was also from a fairly important interview. I certainly have not lost my knack for clumsiness! Enjoy!

if you like cats

2012-01-03T16:48:00.002+01:00

then this is for you.

Gicken, i expect you to like this a lot...

very very very cool music video

2012-01-03T16:12:00.001+01:00

"i know he's nervous, he's small"

2012-01-02T12:23:00.002+01:00

i had to put this one up too. Robert, this one's for you babe...

thanks @angrycelery!

2012-01-02T12:18:00.002+01:00

found this on my bestie's Tumblr.

holy shit... i belong in this video, based EXACTLY on what i just wrote.

enjoy!

thank you, 2011

2011-12-30T15:22:00.000+01:00

first off, i would like to do something any self-respecting blogger never does - apologize. i might have offended a few people with my last post about Kim Jong-Il's passing. i realized that i have absolutely NOT enough information to form any such opinion of this person. so despite the fact that he might not have been well liked, i should actually hope, as i would hope for myself and my loved ones, that he died peacefully. so there.

so yeah, 2011...

numerically, professionally, personally, aerobically and sentimentally, my expectations for this year were huge. i had some unresolved emotional things to work through, some goals that were met and then retracted, some ideas i wanted to develop and some landmarks that i achieved. some of the most exciting things have happened this year. some of the angst and longing i have been feeling since i moved here have quietly dissipated. diluted from a dull ache to something warm, newly bandaged.

i shot a music video this week - complete with smoke machine - and as that smoke sort of peeled away from itself, collecting and then disbursing again, settling in mid-air as flat, long, feathered clouds, i saw myself in that cosmos, dimpled with lights, floating in that grace, in that collection of temporary lightness, and i was so content.

this year has brought me peace, joy, gifts that i cannot even begin to describe here, and many things to look forward to in 2012. i am thankful, i am grateful and i am at peace.

i love u

in honor of those without honor

2011-12-19T15:28:00.000+01:00

Kim Jong Il looking at a plantations

In honor of everyone's least favorite dictator, who passed away (hopefully painfully) today, everyone should check out the insane Tumblr dedicated to his most ambitious of activities: looking at things. Rest in pieces, Kimmy.

number 16, and going strong

2011-12-16T15:40:00.000+01:00

16 Tell us about one of your favorite songs.

My musical taste changes almost as quickly as the minutes pass. So really, I can't let this musical choice speak for me, as a person, as a whole, forever and ever, but at the moment, this is what's playing on repeat in my head and on my phone.

Melanie Laurent (she also plays Shoshana Dreyfus in Inglorius Basterds) - "Kiss"

Jennie Abrahamson - Wolf Hour

Hanna vs. Marissa - The Chemical Brothers (Hanna Original Soundtrack)

GO GET THESE TRACKS! so worth it...

The countdown continues...

2011-12-15T16:55:00.000+01:00

15 Tell us about one of your favorite pieces (clothes).

I have a few. Do shoes count? Okay, let's start with clothes:

1. my jean shirt - here you can see me working in it. it's so comfortable and great for winter. i have it on right now

2. my black jeans - also can be partially seen here. bought them for 99kr at H&M. best ever.

3. my lululemon harem sweat pants - i live in them. that is all.

4. blundstones - shoes, i know. but they have been used and abused for a whole year and are still going strong.

5. smartwool socks - best invention ever for living in this god forsaken rainville.

6. marmot down jacket - thin down jacket, black, irreplaceable.

7. knitted socks with leather soles - made by Jenny's mum, completely and totally precious to me.

what are your favorite pieces of clothing? i know i just dropped a lot of brand names, which is not really my thing actually, but i figure since i love this stuff so much, it's worth spreading the love to others right?

anyway, tell me what you're wearing.

Two 4 One Wednesday

2011-12-14T17:02:00.000+01:00

Since I missed yesterday's post, here comes two in a row!

13 Tell us who you were a year ago

I was working the last bit of my freelance period at Vingaland, about to start my first 6 month placement.

I was living in the same apartment, but with significantly weirder furniture and floor planning.

Jenny and I had just booked a ski trip to Courmeyeur, Italy for January.

We had unconsciously (or possibly consciously) decided not to decorate for Christmas (depressing result).

I was starting to discover that I loved yoga.

I felt insecure about my job future, even if I loved it and knew I was wanted and appreciated, because it's all about the green in the end.

The first chatter about Guyana was stirring up back home at Grandma's house.

I was repairing my injured shoulder at Peter Niemelä at Open. Worked like a charm!

My friend Janika was here from Germany to spend New Years with us.

I was in therapy.

There's probably lots that I am forgetting, but I think those are the highlights. Or at least the things that I remember the most (with a little help from my day planner from last year... ha ha ha)

14 Tell us about the blogs you read

Well, I read these training blogs/websites:

www.mojolifestyle.se

www.magnusringberg.se

I read this online magazine, because it's run by one of my heroes, and the only person I really hang with from high school:

http://www.rqmagazine.com/

I read this girl's Tumblr, because she's awesome and one of my besties:

http://paigemela.tumblr.com/

I read these design and photography blogs:

http://anywayss.blogspot.com/

http://billbarr.wordpress.com/

http://bildherbert.blogspot.com/

I read this food/photography blog because it's AMAZING:

http://whatkatieate.blogspot.com/

I read this travel blog, although it's rarely updated (hee hee hee):

http://robertreser.blogspot.com

Hmmm... that's about all for now I think. I can highly recommend these, because they keep my highly entertained!

12 more days until Christmas

2011-12-13T10:16:00.000+01:00

so i thought i would spend those 12 days doing something useful here on my sorely neglected blog. good friends and inspirational tag team Mo and Jo gave me a lovely idea. they have taken it from another friend... it's one of these pay it forward things, i guess. so feel free to join in and share your answers!

the idea is to take some time each day, from now until baby J's bday, to reflect on some cool questions. starting today, i'll do one a day... like an informational advent calendar!

ready? okay, go!

Decemeber 12: Tell us about a person you admire

a person i admire. hmm. well, there are a lot of those. i admire people for lots of different reasons actually. i'll just pick a few:

- i admire my mum, because she is strong and brave and she does the absolute best she can with the gifts she was given in this life (which are a lot of gifts, mind you!).

- i admire my dad, because he is a great example that it's never too late to try and change, to make your life better and to be happy!

- i admire Jenny because she is strong. she is courageous and dares to follow her heart, always. i don't know anyone with better intuition, which works mostly to my advantage, but sometimes not. ha ha ha...

- i admire my friend Magnus because he really lives according to what is good for him. both emotionally and physically, he is an example of what the power of the mind and the heart can do. and he's soooooo handsome. ha ha ha...

- i admire the people i work with and meet through my job. there are so many interesting things happening in the world, and i feel grateful to peek in on those things, sneaking a glimpse from behind my camera. it's a real privilege.

- i admire Lady Gaga. i know, i know, i know... i can't really explain it right now, but there is something in that woman that just blows me away. she's a force of nature, beyond her music, and i think her adopting this character, this moniker is a tiny bit genius. her creativity makes me believe in the power of the self.

- i admire my dear friend Paige, who is leaving everything behind from a life she built for herself in New York, returned to her childhood home in California to tie up loose ends, and will soon embark on a journey to Korea to teach English and then on to travel the world. too few people do this today, for fear of... everything. and i admire that she makes this a priority in her life.

this is a short list. and there are a lot of people out there who i didn't write about here, but who i admire deeply, for so many reasons. but i guess i am grateful that there are so many whom i admire, it makes my life richer, fuller and more inspiring!

so...

THANK YOU!

inspiration from unlikely places

2011-12-06T13:37:00.001+01:00

and for my next trick (music video) i will try to re-create some of this vibe, only funnier. is that possible?

wish me luck...

robbery

2011-12-05T15:23:00.000+01:00

yesterday, jenny and i were preparing for a road trip, and so wanted to put our summer tires into our storage space in the garage below our house. we went over to the locked gate that keeps our stuff secure from predators, and noticed that the fence was broken in one place, totally bent in another and the lock had actually been screwed loose, and hung by the end of its bolt. i will attach photos later, but for now, i will just say that even then, i didn't suspect the worst intentions of whoever did this. i imagined that maybe they needed to get access to the apartment building's wifi system, that has one of it's access points inside our storage space. i NEVER suspected that anyone would actually take anything. we don't have anything valuable. or so i thought.

jenny realized almost immediately that we were missing a painting. a painting that is worth a fairly significant amount of money, but more importantly was from jenny's childhood home. we were so shocked. we never imagined that someone would want to steal from us.

we contacted the people who are in charge of our co-op, the chairman and then the guy responsible for the actual house, technical stuff, repairs, etc. his name appears on the list of who to call if you experience a robbery. he's the man to call. so we called him.

we were met with such contempt (for calling him on a sunday) and such non-chalance, we could barely believe it. was it possible for a person to be so utterly disinterested in a crime of this nature? i didn't think it was... but he defied my expectations of how little a person could truly care.

at least his response was multi-faceted:

first: he told us that maybe we could reconsider having valuable things in our storage space (we are apparently to hoard all valuables under our bed, in our sock drawer and behind our stove, because that's all the space we have in our apartment).

second: he took a look at the lock (this was later in the evening, since he was not home, and we were meant to leave our storage in the state we found it for the whole day, risking the loss of even more stuff) and said it didn't look so terribly bad.

third: he said that regrettably they experience 3 or 4 break ins a year in the storage spaces, but "what are you gonna do?"(we had never been informed of these break-ins in the storage spaces).... i had a few ideas concerning "what he could do" but i kept them to myself.

these reasons, among others...

- the fact that we pay a lot of money for a small space
- that we sleep facing the road
- that we are met with this same kind of apathy, lack of concern, inflexibility and lame excuses every time we have to contact our board about anything...
- that our board refuses to give out the front door code to anyone, even residents, so we are forced to use a key to enter every time, wearing out the key, costing more money per year to replace keys. (every house in the entire city gives their code to their residents) they say it is to reduce break-ins, but it's impossible to get into the garage from the inside without a key. when a car drives out of the garage, someone could sneak in from the outside, which would not require you entering the front door anyway.
- that, and we are just growing out of the whole "city living" appeal, i think. what's so fucking great about it? we work so much during the week that we are not really taking advantage of the location we have, and during the weekends, well, then you have time to commute anyway if you want to do something in town.

i don't know. the islands are looking pretty great right about now. and i'm not talking about the Greek islands. i'm talking about the Swedish archipelago.

more on that later.

but if someone tries to sell you a replica Bruno Liljefors painting of a fox in the snow, let me know, so i can go bust some heads.

most and least favorite things about Christmas

2011-12-01T14:43:00.001+01:00

i am trying this thing out, again. plinky actually does give up some really good prompts for blogging, you should check it out if you are lacking in inspiration. even if the question might be lame or predictable, sometimes it spawns another thought, then another... you get it.

anyway. my most favorite things about christmas are the following:
- glögg (in Sweden, it's synonymous with the holidays. warm - or cold - sweet wine with raisins and nuts)
- gingerbread
- christmas table (buffet style christmas dinner)
- christmas decorations
- picking a tree
- making presents for people i love
- getting my grandma's Christmas package. and the look on the UPS man's face when he hands it to me, sweating and exhausted from it's weight.
- drinking in the middle of the day
- Christmas parties.
- dressing up.
- wearing slippers whenever i want

my LEAST favorite things are:
- being away from my family, especially my siblings, during the holidays.
- lack of snow here in Gothenburg. so grey. so not Christmasy.
- COMMERCIALISM and how we are all slaves to it. myself included. less than before, but still.
- the pressure to make it "good" and "festive" and "harmonious" when it might be one of the most stressful times of year. we are primed for failure in that respect.

Thoughts? What do you look forward to the most / the least at this time of year?

sharon says....

2011-11-29T16:35:00.000+01:00

... and also robert says that i need to blog everyday. because they look everyday, and rarely are surprised with new posts. ha ha ha... so for them, and for my own creative flow, i will endeavor to blog more regularly. i feel like i need a theme though, something to keep bringing me back to the blog at least once a day. any ideas? daily... something. daily quotation? plinky can only do so much for me, really. i need stuff in real life.

ready, set... INSPIRE ME!

the news in my life right now stretches from my job to my private life and touches every thing in between! we are getting a car on Friday! we have ordered a new couch, which finally arrived last week! i got a permanent job! i'm starting work on a new music video this week! i have started eating carbohydrates (temporarily) again! i'm on a slight morphine high right now!

tonight, we will have lovely Sandy and Anne Sofie over for waffles and wine. i'm on my way to buy the latter. i wonder if that mixes badly with my cough syrup? hmm... we shall see!

i had set some training goals for myself before getting sick two weeks ago. if i had been on track, by this week, i would be running 10k on the treadmill with no problem, so that's getting me down a bit. i really got into a good groove, and then... the flu happened. such is life! and the good news, is that there are always more days ahead, so there is lots of time for tapping into my inner (shy, hidden, reluctant) runner.

we are re-doing out website at work too, so i have been tasked with the job of taking portraits of all us Vingalanders. so far so good i think, just a bit more retouch needed on some of us... note that John is missing, to be fixed as soon as the light gets better in this place.

self documentary - 2004

2011-11-18T21:16:00.000+01:00

blast from the past, back when i was experimenting with key frames and basic motion functions in final cut (those of you who know will know, those of you who don't, skip to the next paragraph) and making boxes fly around, slowly. ha ha ha... cheap tricks, but it was the option i had, not having had any video taken of myself when i was small, and not being able to dig for more photos while at school in new york.

so here you have it! i think it's fairly fascinating to see myself then, to hear the interviews with my family, with jenny and my voice as a three year old with my aunt, singing songs... most interesting (aside from the change in my exterior) is the manner in which i seem to have found my way in life. ALMOST exactly as i had planned, already way back then. i make films full time (on friday i was offered a permanent job doing this) i still live with the lovely Jenny and she tolerates me hiding under my hat sometimes. life is good.

thank you for everything, universe.

That's all we're talkin' about!

2011-11-17T15:38:00.002+01:00

The ever articulate David Letterman! Ha ha ha... but really, this might be what life is all about. I get whiplash from dancing too much "Elaine" style... but these bad asses can whip their hair harder than Willow Smith (forgive me even having her in the same paragraph as Foo Fighters and Joan Jett) ENJOY! Happy Thursday!

when you think the problem couldn't get any bigger...

2011-11-08T17:05:00.000+01:00

.... think again. it can always be worse. most of the time.

Borrowed from http://anywayss.blogspot.com/

sunday smut alert

2011-11-06T19:00:00.002+01:00

this is so striking it should come with some kind of warning label. i love it. and hate it all at the same time. the part that gets me the most is "you vant me...."

ahhhh russians.

Thursday thirst quencher

2011-11-03T09:57:00.000+01:00

A blast from the past, courtesy of Heather Dobell - da Silva... technically my aunt, but her personal description would roll out on one of those medieval scrolls, being read out loud by a man with a feather in his hat, tights and poofy pants. She's the bomb, basically.

Enjoy one of my adolescent idols, Em Gryner on the piano, doing a cover of this classic college bar party anthem.

Tearjerker Tuesday

2011-11-01T14:21:00.001+01:00

Amy Winehouse, mortality and my imaginary tumor

2011-11-01T11:22:00.000+01:00

i got to thinking this morning, as i was shooting stills for an IKEA film we are doing about textiles. i was standing over my bed, holding my laptop, which was attached to my camera suspended over the bed... i was remote shooting our duvet and sheets and pillow cases for this film... anyway... "Valerie" came on my iTunes, and i just couldn't help but reflect over the sudden passing of Amy Winehouse earlier this year. random... i know...

so... let me put this in some kind of context for you.

a woman who is very dear to me passed away a couple weeks ago, and through learning of her passing, i have become a bit more... something. i'm not sure if it's contemplative, reflective, cynical... either way... i'm deeply saddened by her death. i think about people who die, and their last moments in this realm. do they know they're leaving this pasture for another? can they see some kind of proverbial white light? do they fear it? are they sad to leave those who will stay behind and miss them? i wonder that sometimes, and especially when i think of my friend Nancy who passed after a long battle with cancer. she must have known it was coming, but how do you deal with that as the traveler about to leave this world for another?

the unfairness of her passing disturbs me more than anything. she was the world's best mum, she adopted almost everyone she came in contact with as an extra child and she impacted the lives of so many people. it might be one of humanity's greater injustices that she was stricken with such a terrible disease, while others are allowed to live on, never fully appreciating the fact that they have been spared from it, living a life they are not truly grateful for. i find nothing comforting in her passing. not even the notion that "she lived a good life" or "i'm lucky to have met her" or "everyone is better because they knew her"... all of that, to me, is contrived bullshit (though very true), and there is nothing to be said about this kind of loss, except that it sucks. a lot.

as a mortal human, i have these thoughts, and i'm not afraid to share them, because i think someone out there probably thinks these things too.

but do we know when it's coming? let us take a look at Amy Winehouse, for example. the circumstances surrounding her death are not noble or brave by any means. i don't compare her to Nancy in that way, but i wonder... did she know she was about to die? did she reflect on her life, her follies, her successes, her passions, her regrets, as those toxins coursed through her veins? all humans must have these thoughts near the end, regardless of the circumstances surrounding their deaths.

and not to play all this down or anything, but i sort of had a similar thought this week about myself. to make a long story short, i gave myself whiplash (for real) while dancing on saturday night (that in itself should lighten the mood a bit in this post, if you can just mentally picture what i would needed to do to inflict that kind of injury on myself) i haven't been able to sit for longer than a few hours at a time without pain in my neck, back and head. i don't handle restrictions very well, of any kind, especially not when it comes to my body. so naturally, i got to thinking...

i can be incredibly dramatic sometimes, and so thought to myself "self, what if you go to the doctor to get your neck and head checked out, and they find a gigantic tumor? what if that is actually what's causing you massive pain? what if you have life-threatening, life-eating, life-ending cancer in your brain?" i have had a similar thoughts concerning other relatively benign things: a bit of tightness in my chest when i run, pressure in my stomach after i eat a lot, and almost every hangover i have ever had. i feel like it all could be the end of my life. could be. probably is not, but COULD be.

irrational. morose. paranoid. unproductive. ridiculous. INAPPROPRIATE considering the graveness of other people's problems in life and health issues. i know. but stranger fucking things have happened!! RIGHT?! i mean, there are things all the time going wrong in peoples bodies without them knowing about it until it's too late! the warning signs too faint to recognize and the traces of malignancy too minute. too small, that is, until they are grotesque and life threatening! i am NOT a hypochondriac... but i think i have seen too many episodes of House. that, and i have seen too many people close to me die cruel deaths caused by illness they did not deserve or anticipate.

i guess i am just fearing death. mortality freaks me right out, and i am not prepared to face the consequences if i were to be diagnosed with something terrible. and since losing Nancy to cancer, watching people who are healthy and functional wind up with some inexplicably cruel disease, i fear mortality even more. i fear that arbitrary nature of such things, and it's almost enough to make me lose my whimsical sense of "everything happens for a reason". because sometimes, maybe it just doesn't.

BAH!

2011-10-26T23:16:00.002+02:00

thank you www.mojolifestyle.se! this is worth every second

Stagnelius in Concert

2011-10-23T23:16:00.000+02:00

I forgot to post about this! My friend Nicklas brought me along as extra help on this cool assignment I did a few weeks ago in Kalmar.

Harald Erici. Check him out. Totally frickin' talented (www.erici.se)

First of all, if you ever want to go to Kalmar, I seriously recommend it, but try to give yourself at least a few days there. We drove down in the morning, worked, and then drove home at night. As luck would have it, there is no direct way to get to Kalmar from Göteborg. So it was an adventure in Småland, I can only say that much!

Erik Johan Stagnelius was a poet from the Swedish island of Öland, which is just off the east coast near Kalmar. He was a character... heavily influenced by his father's background as a bishop, and described by many as shabby and odd. One woman asked "where in this shabby person lies the beauty which his poetry expresses?" In any case, he became increasingly more famous after he died, as is the case with many artists and poets.

Harald in rehearsals

Solgerd Isalv - Soloist (lovely voice, lovely person)
with Gärdslösa Kammarkör

A very talented and wonderful musician who I got to know through Nicklas decided he would set Stagnelius' poems to music (which he composed, arranged and performed together with a chamber choir, a violin, cello, Swedish nyckelharpa and classical vocal soloist) and ambitiously set out to put his show on all over this very special region of Sweden.

Handsome Harald

Nifty Nicklas (also handsome)

So we filmed it, naturally. And here are some of the stills I took while filming. Just a bunch of snapshots, but gives you an idea of what it felt like to be there, listening to Harald Erici's beautiful compositions, watching a fantastic puppet show that told Stagnelius' life story - all of this set in a giant castle by the sea. Hmm. Worth the drive, I would say.

Harald, watching Lars Sonnesjö do his puppet magic at Kalmar Slott

Hieroglyphics

READ IT - or else

2011-10-21T09:27:00.000+02:00

AS IF i need to remind you, but just in case. if you are living in the Kitchener-Waterloo-Cambridge area, or just want to read some good ol' fashioned (yet modern) gab, you MUST read my bestie's blog here.

i promise i'm not biased, she just rocks. and as today is a bit of a quiet day here at Vingaland headquarters, i'm doing some serious catch up. i get information AND inspiration! win win!

So young, so fresh - Long Beach, NY 2006
(Photo courtesy of Paul's long-ass arm)

my new baby (someday)

2011-10-21T09:06:00.001+02:00

Photo courtesy of www.cykellagret.se

someday, i would like to own one of these. as my little (heavy, big, stable) darling is getting up in miles, i have started to consider getting a new bike. i would like to try and not buy things i don't really need, so that's why i'm waiting. the bike i have now works perfectly well, as a commuter bike, a "quick-get-me-downtown-im-a-chronic-time-optimist" bike and a beautiful way to experience my new home town. however, rust, weather, wear and tear have all started to take their toll on poor *blank* (i can't believe i haven't named my bike, i name everything, even other people's stuff...)

anyway... here is what i might get. thoughts? too grandpa-ish? i really had my heart set on this super duper cool ride, made also by Globe Bikes (a division of Specialized) sitting behind our office, but that belongs to someone already and is securely locked. Oh well.

boot-to-head-na-na

2011-10-20T14:49:00.000+02:00

when i was in high school, we played this game in leadership class, which was called "boot-to-head-na-na". it was invented by someone who had a dark sense of humor, i can only imagine.

the premise of the game is simple. you stand in a circle. you take off one shoe. you say someone's name, and toss them your shoe. each person does this in the circle, so there is inevitably a flurry of sneakers, Doc Martens, and stilettos flying through the air and a lot of name-calling.

the game ends when someone gets a shoe (or boot) in the face. because that's inevitable. everyone then points at that person and sings "boot-to-head-na-na!". and moral of this sadomasochistic game is that you communicate under pressure, and celebrate teamwork, but also try to learn that a mistake doesn't have to be the end of the world, or something intentional where blame is thrown around. it can be fun, slightly painful, and a good motivator for next round!

sometimes what we all need is a little boot-to-head to get us going. in my case, this blog, along with another series of personal projects that i have on the go have suffered because of the crazy life i lead. mostly because of work, but i hardly feel i have the right to complain about my job, because i love it. and since i love what i do, it almost never feels like work. hence the refusal to complain about it!

in this case, the boot-to-head was nothing dramatic, but i have recognized that i need... a bit of a push.

i have been getting these prompts from a service called Plinky online. each week they send me a daily prompt for every day, in the hopes that these prompts will inspire some kind of random, tangential spewing. you can sign up too! sometimes they're really great! sometimes not. which is the wonderful thing about the power of choice!

in any case, i think i'll start with one of those prompts.

tomorrow.

Nicki Minaj impersonators

2011-10-17T10:27:00.001+02:00

This first one is from the sit down interview (dare I say, "formal" interview?) given by this 8 year old fire cracker from England. Just in case you're wondering, yes... this is what my child will be like. I can only hope and pray... ha ha ha...

Now, I don't know what's more amazing... the fact that these kids have memorized this incredibly complicated rap song, can SING, and can do so in front of millions of people, OR the girl's father who is in tears in the audience, OR the energy that this kid has, OR their pink outfits, OR Nicki Minaj's ghetto booty, OR the fact that these kids have NO IDEA what they're singing about. Look up the lyrics to this song. You'll be giggling yourself all the way to work today! This absolutely makes me smile no matter what...

all set!

2011-10-06T11:07:00.001+02:00

most of the time i try to keep the blog light and full of fun things, but my last post was a bit more on the dark side. i hope it didn't turn any of you off! such is life though, a glorious combination of light and dark, creating shadows and contrasts... if it were always light, and nothing stood in the way of that light, we would never know to appreciate it! we would never know shade... anyway. hope you liked it anyway!

now i'm into another intense week. after a successful meeting in the heartland of IKEA yesterday, i feel energized and motivated to tackle my next editing project... from the world of big business, i plunge into the land of charity work and social entrepreneurship! very cool contrast. and this is one of the many charms of my job! creating films and images that suit both these realms is challenging, but i grow and learn through this.

Couldn't find photo credit for this lovely gem... if it's yours, speak up!

i've been listening to Feist's new album, "Metals" which you should most certain check out, if you like Feist. even if you don't like her, or don't know her, it's certainly worth a listen. mostly because it's great music, but the fact that she's a total babe doesn't hurt things.

keep on truckin' everyone!

Baggage

2011-09-30T17:47:00.001+02:00

Once in a while you get a reality check, whether you like it or not. You learn to read the signs, you learn to trust your instincts rather than your impulses. You learn that, even though you might be used to feeling a certain way - because maybe you've felt that way for a long, long time - it doesn't mean you have to go on feeling that way.

My life is full of so many wonderful things, so many brilliant, beautiful events, that I sometimes have to remind myself that despite whatever might be occupying my mind, my heart or my consciousness, I have to focus on those things I am most grateful for.

As the sun goes down on another week - a week full of amazing things, confusing things, profound and impacting things - I remind myself that I am my own.

I am not yours, I am not his, I am not hers, I am not theirs...

...I belong to me, and I belong to the sky.

just in case you weren't already curious...

2011-09-22T19:59:00.000+02:00

... here is a hair-raising, boner-inducing, gorgeous, already-oscar-worthy trailer for the upcoming David Fincher adaptation of "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo". See it, or forever live in regret. Not to be dramatic or anything... ;)

MARYJET "Forever" Official Music Video

2011-09-19T11:20:00.001+02:00

FINALLY! ENJOY....

xo

A

OLD PHOTO SET

2011-09-08T09:23:00.000+02:00

if your name is one of the following, you will either want to sit down and keep reading/watching or turn off your computer:

Paige

Teddy

Joan

Matt

Rob

Holly

Sasha

Ali

Yana

Josetta

Sam J

and Jenny (because I might shame you)

having said that, please spread this around to all people who might want to re-live these glory days... ah youth! ha ha ha yeah right!

i found an old Webshots account online, and saw that i never took down all these gems! can you find me in this mess?

College softball road trips, and the origins of "overhead compartment"

The birth of "mini me", my cousin Michaela

Aside from softball, I was a beer pong professional

With Holly and Rob at my first, and most successful film festival at Adelphi

Paige and me. I'm in my favorite shirt at the time

Joan Stein time!

Volleyball super fans from the front...

...and the back

Partner in crime, Matt Hat

Just a normal evening of parking lot swimming with Sam J

Between two Indians

Yana and I look like mobsters

A haircut, and suddenly I was photogenic...

... thanks to Holly Bynoe for these

We used to think this photo was like a prophecy waiting to unfold.
Our entire class was so talented, or so we thought.
I don't know where many of these folks are today, but I think of them a lot.

LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS

2011-09-07T17:20:00.001+02:00

Everything, everything, everything... the video, style, flow, vibe, BASSLINE (holy balls...), lyrics, Florence, last chorus... let's make this happen, world. Who's with me?

Time it took us
To where the water was
That’s what the water gave me
And time goes quicker
Between the two of us
Oh, my love, don’t forsake me
Take what the water gave me

Lay me down
Let the only sound
Be the overflow
Pockets full of stones

Lay me down
Let the only sound
Be the overflow

And oh poor Atlas
The world’s a beast of a burden
You’ve been holding on a long time
And all this longing
And the ships are left to rust
That’s what the water gave us

So lay me down
Let the only sound
Be the overflow
Pockets full of stones
Lay me down
Let the only sound
Be the overflow

‘Cause they took your loved ones
But returned them in exchange for you
But would you have it any other way?
Would you have it any other way?
You could have had it any other way
‘Cause she’s a cruel mistress
And the bargain must be made
But oh, my love, don’t forget me
But I let the water take me

Lay me down
Let the only sound
Be the over flow
Pockets full of stones

Lay me down
Let the only sound
Be the overflow

Lay me down
Let the only sound
Be the overflow
Pockets full of stones

Lay me down
Let the only sound
Be the overflow

detox week/month/year (LCHF and training camp)

2011-09-06T12:51:00.001+02:00

Photo: Sandra Holmgren

for those of you who are following this blog, and NOT my other blog (which is getting much more attention from me lately, as a result of my trip to Guyana) you should really get on that! follow publicly! then i can brag about how many faithful subjects i have! that, and you can stay updated and see all the pretty stuff i shot there. AND you can donate to the documentary, and choose your print (gift for donating) or schedule a photo shoot with me! so follow!

after a glorious weekend of fun, seafood, song, booze and amazing friends, where i was BLINDINGLY drunk for all of Saturday afternoon/evening and well into Sunday, i have decided i need a serious detox.

i have heard the pros and cons of this Low Carb High Fat thing, and i have still opted to give it a go. i think my aim is 10kgs weight loss, over the next 2 or 3 months. and i don't plan to go completely cold turkey during that time. i think it's not good for the body to just give up any one particular thing, so i will keep it very much a LOW carb situation. very low, but present.

after that, i don't really know! i am starting another round of intensive training now, so i will aim to work out 3 - 4 times a week, which is normal when i'm in a routine. summer has a tendency to bring you out of those kinds of routines, so i look forward to a brisk, full-fart höst!

Go Do - Jonsi

2011-09-02T15:53:00.000+02:00

If this is not the most perfect, "get-out-into-the-world-love-conquers-all-grab-your-bootstraps-get-it-on" kind of song, i don't know what is!!! Get it! Buy it!! Don't steal it!! Celebrate it, and celebrate yourselves and the life you are born to live. GO DO!

Go sing, too loud
Make your voice break - Sing it out
Go scream, do shout
Make an earthquake...

You wish fire, would die and turn colder
You wish, your love, could see you grow older
We should always know that we can do anything

Go drum, do go out
Make your hands ache - Play it out
Go march through crowds
Make your day break...

You wish silence, released noise in tremors
You wish, I know it, surrender to summers
We should always know that we can do everything

Go do, you'll know how to
Just let yourself, fall into landslide

Go do, you'll know how to
Just let yourself, give into low tide

Go do!

Tie strings to clouds
Make your own lake - Let it flow
Throw seeds to sprout
Make your own break - Let them grow

Let them grow (Endless summers)
Let them grow (Endless summers)

(Go do endless summers)

You will survive, we'll never stop wonders
You and sunrise will never fall under

You will survive, we'll never stop wonders
You and sunrise will never fall under
We should always know that we can do anything

Go do!

new VLOG!

2011-08-31T08:22:00.002+02:00

So I forgot to say nearly 90% of the things I wanted to say in this vlog, which is usually how it goes. And I probably said a lot of stuff wrong, or badly, or not in the way I wanted to, so just keep that in mind.

Without turning this into a giant disclaimer, I will say that in addition to all the things I talked about, I spent a wonderful week with my wonderful mother, amazing uncle and superb grandma, which I am so very grateful for. the experience of being in Guyana was so multifaceted and full of amazing epiphanies, I can't even begin to do it justice in a 6 minute, ridiculous vlog.

I also got to visit with some family at home, my dad, brother and sister, aunts and uncles galore and beautiful cousins! my aunt Nicole mentioned "meaningless news" which made me think about vlogging again, so thanks Colee! here you go... you asked for it! Ha ha ha....

open letter to a scorned beloved

2011-08-21T01:35:00.000+02:00

my dearest blog,

i am neglecting you badly, i know, because i have fallen in with another. this new interest of mine takes on a form that is very familiar, you are not so different from each other actually. for the time being, i must focus my energies there, which should by no means make you feel threatened or fearful... i will return! it's just something i have to do right now. you see, www.guyanacalling.blogspot.com is where i have been spending my nights and days for the past while, and it is where you can find me for a while longer! you will always be my number one.

with everlasting love,

a

I have been very, very naughty

2011-08-08T11:23:00.000+02:00

i've been a bad little blogger. or rather, an ABSENT little blogger. but the reason is a good one, and i promise you will forgive me. holiday took over, and forced me into submission. we had limited internet in sydney (mostly by choice) and i decided to really let my cramped, over worked typing fingers rest for 3 weeks. now i'm back and in the swing of things full on again! feels really amazing, i must say! refreshed and recharged, ready for another week of work, before i head off to Canada and Guyana! if you haven't checked out my blog for the documentary i am making about my family, please visit www.guyanacalling.blogspot.com and spread the word!

here are some selected photos from our holiday. Sydney is a new love, and an easy favorite. could imagine moving there for a bit, really dig the vibe and the quality of life. however, i do NOT dig how expensive everything was. a bit of a bummer, but i feel everything we paid for and bought was totally worth it. no complaints there. we filled our days with walking, exploring the neighborhoods and communities of Sydney ("City of Villages") and the outlying areas (blue mountains, bondi, manly... all to die for...) and ate ourselves into a coma on more than one occasion. we even had a 2 week, all-you-can-yoga card at a Bikram studio in Darlinghurst, so we got our sweat on BIG TIME. toughest mental exercise i've ever done. which maybe says more about me than about Bikram yoga, but it is a huge challenge to stay focused. its really like, stay focused or pass out. easy choice. ha ha ha...

more blogs will be posted this week, but most of the action will be at www.guyanacalling.blogspot.com since i will be hardcore working with the documentary for the coming weeks and months probably. if you're not a subscriber, become one! and send it to everyone you know, i hope the stuff i'm doing, and the things i discover on this journey are things that more people around the world can relate to!

Leader Billy

Opera Hizz-ouse

Hyde Park

First flat white. Love at first sip.

Picnic lunch at The Rocks in Sydney Harbour

The oldest pub in Sydney. The Nello (Lord Nelson).

Plaid shirt sale = Billy heaven

Happy in the Botanical Gardens

Art Gallery of New South Wales

Jenny almost peed her pants. Giant shrimp.

Staples of our trip. Ginger beer and edamame.

Can you find Jenny and the Opera House?

Australia: Land of AMAZING BACON.

Model/wife.

2 Billys at Bondi Beach. Say that 3 times fast.

Bangkok, dangerous.

Skål för dig, Jenny (happy birthday!)

2011-07-08T16:08:00.000+02:00

In honor of my beloved partner in crime, I have posted a video to Youtube that shows her at her absolute best. Well, that depends on what you consider to be her best, but I think she's loveliest, doubled over with laughter surrounded by beer and good friends. One of her many shining moments! This video features also the gutt-twisting giggling of Sandy Holmgren. You'll be able to find her without me even explaining.

SO!

Happy Birthday my dear! I love you and celebrate you... everyday!

old soul or drunk baby?

2011-06-20T16:19:00.000+02:00

we spent one of our fews days off together wandering around our city, rediscovering it with fresh eyes. our eyes, which have been focussed so intensely on work, work, and more work. landing on each other only after it's dark. tired eyes, barely able to stay open, then to sleep, and opening to the alarm. this has been the cycle. so a day off together meant seeing things with fresh eyes.

we bought hamburgers, wore big sweaters, comfortable shoes and loose pants, baseball caps. we tried to talk about our goals in life, but ended up talking a lot about money and mistakes instead. this got me wound up, and i had a hard time to relax. but then i realized that if she can't talk to me about serious things, then who can? if i can't let her be my balast, then who will be? the level, righting the foundation of a life i am trying to build from dust. so i let her explain her feelings, and sighed into my burger bun. and then it lifted, i lifted... we lifted and walked on together towards the canal.

we ran into a friend and his family. his lovely wife, who talks a lot... and when i say a lot, you know i mean A LOT. his year and a half old daughter, who was just discovering the meaning of walking a straight line. her balance was nothing to write home about, and she reminded me of a baby i had once seen in a film, dressed up as a retiree on vacation, miming drunk. anyway, she waddled over to jenny and pointed her small sausage finger at jenny's tattooed ring. she looked up at jenny, in a way that no toddler has business looking at an adult. a wisdom, an understanding, a totally "i get it" moment. and then, without any warning, this little baby teetered over to me, took my ring finger and pointed at my tattoo. she looked back at jenny, then again at me. i felt innately like i had met this child before. an old soul, or perhaps just a drunk baby who likes tattoos. either way, we seemed to be kindred spirits.

jenny and i walked into town, talked more about our dreams and plans and the future we are planning together, and i felt more connected than i had for a long time, despite our tired eyes.

Guyana Calling

2011-06-15T20:59:00.000+02:00

So... I have begun work on yet another project! I can't seem to stop! Some of you might recognize this tendency in yourselves, the tendency to want to do everything, all the time, to the fullest... I see that as an asset, not a negative... There is inspiration in EVERYTHING!

Some of you know my family well, others, not so well. Some of you are my family! So... My point is, even if you don't know my family, you will probably know how important they are to me. I live so far away, but feel my connection with them every second. My maternal grandparents have been a huge influence in my life. My grandfather passed away 6 years ago from a lung illness, and his death created such an obvious rift in our family that it was hard to ignore. My grandma and I have remained very close since, and this summer, I have the opportunity to experience something very special with her. You can read more about it at my new blog www.guyanacalling.blogspot.com

A large part of my family comes from Guyana, and were forced to leave in the 1970's. No one has been back since. Well, my grandpa went in the 80's for a funeral, but no one else. They had 5 children, one of which is my mum, and none of THEM have been back. I'm curious to know why. And I plan to investigate.

So! Visit the blog! Here is a video I have made to try and promote the documentary project I've created around the trip. I am using it as a fundraising page to help raise money for the film, which will be desperately needed to cover transportation costs, the unpaid time I am leaving my job, accommodation and the massive amount of editing that will need to be done afterward! So take a look and see if you want to help out!

Magnus Ringberg - Playlist of the Month!

2011-06-14T21:59:00.000+02:00

My darling friend and personal ass kicker Magnus has honored me with a coveted slot on his website, with a list of songs that I got to pick out myself!

Check it out! If you want to know what songs I picked, that is... ;)

http://magnusringberg.com/playlist/

photo: (I promise to fill it in when I find out, he's so amazing)

nothing says f*** you....

2011-06-01T21:22:00.000+02:00

.... quite like the following scenario:

- at 6:00pm i am ending a lovely work day, and my work week on a wednesday for that matter, thanks to Swedish bank holidays falling perfectly, in alignment with the stars, universe and all that is good. amen.
- at 6:45pm i am arriving home. contemplating the gym, hovering aimlessly over Blocket, sifting through 37 pages of junk that no one wants. including me.
- at about 8:00pm i am deciding to head to the gym. fearful of the possible early closing hours on the day before a national holiday, i call them. half-perky gym receptionist informs me that the hours are normal (closing time 9:30pm) which i am grateful for, since i have another 1029 pages of crap to flip through on Blocket.
- decide at 8:40pm that it's time to get moving. clothe myself in gym attire, head out the door.
- at 8:46pm i run into my colleague and two of his four adorable sons, and we all fall into a heap of laughter in the middle of Haga nygata as the smallest one (3) falls to the cobble stones and lies there completely unconcerned with the fact that he's lying in the middle of a street.
- at 8:55 i walk into the door of the gym, to face the concerned, confused and nearly irritated faces of two normally happy gym receptionists.
- at 8:56 i am informed that they close in 4 minutes. i recall the name of the girl i spoke to on the phone, and notice it matches the name of the girl standing in front of me. no real explanation, no apology. just "oh, then it's us who got it wrong.
- at 9:15pm i shove a few bits of salmon and some veggies into the oven, to eat another dinner alone, as a hospital widow. that is, my spouse, the one who is always working at the hospital. don't be alarmed.

happy long weekend everyone!

An old favorite

2011-05-30T16:18:00.001+02:00

Linnea Olsson - making the cello exciting again

2011-05-30T14:00:00.000+02:00

What's better than the gift of meeting interesting and exciting people, doing innovative, cool things? Linnea is emerging, or has emerged (I don't know what part of that process she's in... ha ha ha) as a musician of many talents, collaborating with many exceptional artists and creating many exciting sounds. I look forward to hopefully working with her someday!

For now, you can watch her here, as she tries to charm her looping machine into doing what she wants. Ha ha ha... really sweet!

SILENT VLOG

2011-05-29T15:37:00.002+02:00

So apparently my microphone isn't working... my poor computer is slowly falling apart, after years of faithful, reliable servitude. So, my best vlog ever is lost to the abyss of silence. I swear, and you can only just believe me, when I say that this was my best, most concise content ever. *sigh*

SO... my challenge to you, my dear viewers, is to record the audio to this video! Lip sync. Lip sync in another language and subtitle it. Sing the words. Improvise. Be crude! Just do something to save me from my technological embarassment!

"this is not... the salad of my people..."

2011-05-29T15:35:00.001+02:00

in case you wanted more. because you just cannot get enough. i know you can't. admit it. come on, admit it, it's okay!

I've been instructed...

2011-05-29T15:11:00.000+02:00

... to blog. by more than one source. you shall remain nameless, but you know who you are and i better be back on your bookmarks bar... by the end... of the DAY!

i have been rekindling my love of Margaret Cho this weekend, with the help of my lovely, long-legged stallion from New York, who was here visiting. it is through Cameron's animated re-enactments of her stand-up that i was inspired to check out some of her all time best.

parental advisory: if you don't expose your children to Margaret Cho, you're a bad mother or father. just sayin'.

We run the world

2011-05-20T11:14:00.000+02:00

To get your weekend kick started, jump started, defibrillated to life!

can you find the photographer?

2011-05-16T17:53:00.000+02:00

An image from the still-super-secret music video for Sheri Miller's "Spoons"! Can you find the photographer in this picture? Look very carefully, and think outside the... ahem... spoon. I mean, box...

Release for this video, along with Sheri's EP is coming up soon, so stay tuned to her blog and website for more info! I haven't heard the rest of the record, so I'm DYING to get my hands on it.

Seems I'm doing a lot of waiting around for people to release their new music lately... AHEM... ;)

Taken by a Stranger

2011-05-16T13:18:00.000+02:00

Some new inspiration, from this year's Eurovision song contest! One of the only tolerable songs from this notoriously flamboyant bad taste - fest. Really love the dancing, her performance in this video and the vibe of the whole song. Something for me to borrow perhaps in a future project? Hmmm... I wonder if I should squeeze myself into one of those silver suits. Just call me Alana "Chorizo" da Silva.

Enlighten up!

2011-05-04T15:43:00.001+02:00

On my watch list of movies that I have to see.

2011-05-03T13:01:00.000+02:00

just because i miss her today. happy tuesday, bestie!

photo taken from www.monsterfarm.ca

hello, my old friend

2011-04-28T12:04:00.000+02:00

have you got a friend that you haven't seen in a while? well, i have lots of those. not that i have lots of friends, but i have many friends that i don't see often. i live far away from most of my oldest chums, so we see very little of each other in the flesh. and sometimes, for one reason or another, i meet some friends more often than others, even if we live close to each other.

recently, i met up with some people who i have lost touch with. it was really nice! we hung out, caught up, played some games out on the lawn, and then went our separate ways. truly lovely. what i found interesting though was that we spoke Swedish almost exclusively. we used to communicate only in English.

so our conversations took on a whole different character. it was almost like we were meeting each other for the first time. in this instance, it was rather refreshing, since probably needed some kind of a clean start anyway.

but it was also a little bit weird. quite frankly, most times it's strange. i feel almost like i am masquerading as my Swedish alter-ego, pretending to say all the things i'm saying, but really thinking something slightly different in English. not much different, but slightly. it's not that i don't mean what i am saying... quite the opposite. i mean it more, perhaps, because i must consider very carefully what i am saying. but when you are used to communicating in one language, and make yourself know and recognized in that language, it's hard to be the same person in another. it's hard to maintain the same sense of humor, the same melody, the same rhythm, the same pace and interactions. you ultimately become a product of the language you speak. in this case, i become a slightly slower, calmer, less articulate person, with a funny accent.

and then there is the hugging issue. when you want to have a long hug with someone, but feel maybe it's inappropriate. you really just want a long, firm hug. but instead you let go a little too soon to compensate for that want. then you feel the other person still holding on. so you squeeze again. then the other person lets go, feels your squeeze, and so squeezes back. you go on like this for a while, not knowing if you're the only one wanting a longer hug, or if you're both too shy or too SWEDISH to really just take the longer hug together from the start. it all ends with a pat on the back, a shoulder grab and an awkward goodbye. no harm done, but still not what you wanted from the beginning.

moral of the story: always hug for a long time, speak in your own voice no matter what language you use and stay in touch with your friends.

Happy Monday, you bastards....

2011-04-26T11:39:00.000+02:00

So here's the thing. I had drafted this nice, sweet, passive-aggressive, Swedish-inspired post... and I just couldn't put it up, because my conscience and my gag reflex wouldn't allow me. I need to get something off my chest, and I need to do it right. So here it goes.

When major magazines and online publications ask for press photos for a band, an author or anyone else, it is their OBLIGATION to make sure that they credit the photographer. This bothers me, to my core, and I need to speak out about it.

Blogs and smaller outfits bother me slightly less. And I am perfectly aware that most of the time, this omission is not intentional, but a mere oversight. I totally get that. I am super guilty of not crediting every photographer I borrow images from for this blog. I have a reasonable side as well, you should know. I understand.

BUT FOR GODS SAKE!! MAJOR PUBLICATIONS NOT CREDITING PHOTOGRAPHERS?!!!
HOW IS THIS ALLOWED!??

It's come to my attention that the following publications have published my photographs A) without asking me and B) without giving me any kind of mention whatsoever:

1. You're a magazine called "Träningsguiden", publishing once a year, featuring incredible writing, cool gadgets and awesome training techniques, and you don't remember to credit the photographer (me) in a major editorial piece? (they actually did ask, via the author, who also got a bit screwed by their editing department. this is the cover, a photo which I did not take, but magically there is no photographer credit for this image either anywhere in the magazine)

2. Your name is Tram7 (whatever the hell that means) and you publish a "song of the day"... with no photo credit.

http://www.tram7.se/2011/02/27/alibi-tom-now-like-then/

3. Your name is Bildamusik, and you list bands and their music, along with press photos. Without giving credit to the photographers.

http://www.bildamusik.nu/web/alibitom.aspx

4. Your name is Gigguide.se and you post concerts and events, along with press photos, and DO NOT CREDIT THE PHOTOGRAPHER.

http://gigguide.se/event/60060/

5. Your name is Nollpunkt and you published a photograph of mine, along with a very nice story about Alibi Tom, without crediting me for the image.

DO YOU SEE A TREND HERE!???

As I mentioned before, this wouldn't be so bad if I didn't know that these publications are making money, or at least generating income of some kind and not compensating photographers with the smallest, most humble gesture: their name in print.

(I even had to BUY Träningsguiden to see my own photo in it... so it actually COST me money to be published, as I had already taken the photo for free...)

The problem is not blogs, facebook or myspace, where people post photos freely, without giving proper credit all the time. That much, I can stomach, because there are a lot of people out there who don't know any better. I get that. It's not a big deal.

But people working in the arts, working in music, working in film or photography, anyone who works with their name as their brand... you should all be ashamed of yourselves! (myself included)

I, for one, plan to make a change in the way I do things. But first, I want to apologize: to those I have not credited on my blog, I am deeply sorry, and I promise to make this right the next time I use your photos or video material.

Having said all that:

Do you think I'm over-reacting? Is there some kind of loop-hole that I am oblivious to? Should I be waiting for an incredible backlash from all those out there who feel wrongly accused? Please enlighten me...

Hello, Go Pro!

2011-04-20T10:58:00.000+02:00

If you guys haven't discovered the Go Pro camera (for all you camera nerds out there) it's about bloody time! Seriously...

I know these things are mostly old news for most of you, but I am still amazed at the video quality (resolution wise, not being able to manually adjust exposure makes me want to pull my hair out) and the wide angle lens lets you capture just about anything within a decent radius around the camera.

If you've watched any recent skiing films, anything with a helmet cam or monkey cam, hang gliding, mountain biking, basically anything that moves fast, it's probably been filmed with one of these. This is me, on our shoot Monday in the sunshine, adjusting the little beast for another drive with a test vehicle.

Sheri Miller "Mantra (I'm in Love)" Music Video

2011-04-17T19:11:00.000+02:00

So finally, I have gotten things together, synchronized with Sheri and the video is finally done! I hope you all enjoy it, and pass it around to as many people as you can!

For those of you technically inclined, this was shot with a Canon 5D Mark II camera, with a 24-105mm zoom lens, on location in Oyster Bay, New York. The beach is a secret location. Secret because we don't really know how we got there so we couldn't give you directions if we tried! Edited in Final Cut Pro, with no color correction whatsoever. Maybe it could have used some?... who knows. I'm quite happy with it.

You can keep your eyes peeled over the next couple of weeks, as Sheri is releasing a new album, along with a music video (also directed, shot and edited by me) for her song "Spoons". All this should be coming very soon. You can check here, on my website or Sheri's pages, all listed below and in the Youtube clip.

Enjoy, and thanks Sheri for your hard work and dedication!

www.sherimiller.com

www.myspace.com/sherimiller

www.overheadcompartmentproductions.com

Norwegian thaw

2011-04-12T23:02:00.000+02:00

we agreed to take the car. i was brought into the conversation after it had been decided, but still. i agreed. despite my better judgement, awareness of my fickle bladder, microscopic attention span, hate for awkward silences, love of bad jokes and worse music, i agreed.

Trondheim is 800km from Göteborg. give or take. we left at 8:30am and arrived at 8:00pm. but along the way, i saw Norway come alive after winter. and i came alive too.

the road we took is one of maybe 5 major highways in Norway. the highway follows the river - a name i can't pronounce - naturally, since water takes the path of least resistance, and so should people.

sometimes.

anyway, it's spring in northern Europe. so the river was swollen. rushing, carving a path through the ice left from a long hard winter. we swung around curves in the road, but i never lost sight of the yellowed water, brown from the churning and erosion, taking pieces of the land with it as it made it's way to the sea.

it was so remarkable, how powerful the flow was, how totally natural and perennial it's movement. each spring this thaw occurs, releasing an unthinkable amount of water from the grip of winter. flooding down from mountain waterfalls - some of which still stuck in suspended animation as we rode past, clinging to the rock faces and mountain sides - tearing paths through anything that stands in it's way.

i saw a smaller tree, still quite large, drifting down, being absolutely hammered by the rapids. i saw car-sized ice bits, pieces of glacier ice that made their way down to the river and stayed there all winter. they were the last to melt, protesting the thaw.

i felt so small. and so insignificant in the midst of all this natural and perfectly timed chaos. all of this has been going on for hundreds of thousands of years in this very place, this very river, these very mountains, while i have been growing up on a completely different continent, living a life that absolutely has nothing to do with fjords, rapids, ice sheets, floating trees, churning water. i felt alien. i was fascinated.

the metamorphosis of a river, of a glacier... no wait. back up.

the evolution of water: it's a "chicken-or-the-egg" kind of question, but let's start somewhere.

the snow falls, it collects on the top of a Norwegian mountain. the snow melts, it turns into water. it burns it's path through the alpine wilderness, down the slopes of mud and rock, through forests, roaring like a vengeful storm. it carves out the earth beneath it. it takes some of the earth with it, transplants minerals, dirt, creatures, organisms. it pours over the side of a cliff, falling, tumbling into a river below. there, it becomes part of the flow, the churning, the wildness, the untamed nature. it rushes and rambles along the path of least resistance, but still it fights for every breath. it bubbles over rocks, glides below frozen portions of the river - mammoth, house-sized pieces of blue ice, chunks pressed up so tight against each other that they rise up at jagged angles, baring their blue fangs - it swirls at the foot of another waterfall. it winds it's snaking trail all the way to the sea. and we follow.

this is also our destination. we arrive, the river arrives. but nothing stops there. because even if i can't see where the river goes, the molecules from that mountain top are now part of something bigger and grander than i can fathom.

i can't keep track or count any longer. there is no logical way to know what part of the sea once belonged to the mountain. it's impossible to see what part of me once belonged to you, or you, or you. there is only that which is now. and we are a sum of all the things that we have swam through before today. we collected minerals along the way, and now we shine with the vibrance of our past.

just the same as i can't explain the serendipity of walking into a bar in a town i have never visited before and hearing a song from my past. we are all, it seems, part of a grander, larger, more chaotic plan. some great sea of dreams that we all get released into, we swim around together for a while, surviving the rapids, but then eventually we go our own separate ways in the ocean, on to our destinies in different corners of the world.

jobbigt

2011-04-08T09:14:00.000+02:00

there is a word in the Swedish language that is used to describe a feeling or characteristic of a person, experience or thing. that word is "jobbigt". in it's various forms, this word can be used in many different scenarios, but essentially i can describe it as this:

imagine you are walking up a hill and you are carrying a heavy load of groceries. one of the bags break and most of you eggs break on the pavement, while you also lose a few apples down a long flight of stairs behind you. the noise that comes out of you at this moment is the essence of "jobbigt".

in another scenario, you can use this word, slightly modified to describe a person:

Mike came over and started to talk to me, even though he could see I was working feverishly on something. he proceeded to make small talk and sip his coffee loudly. when i got up to leave, looking for my keys, he made a smart ass comment instead of helping me find them "well where did you put them last?", chuckling merrily to himself. Mike is so fucking jobbig.

Jobbigt, or jobbig translates roughly into a word rooted in "work". Like it strains you to deal with this person, situation or thing. I don't know a word in English that does the trick quite as well actually. What's more with this phenomenon is that people who are jobbig are almost always incredibly nice, or appear to be incredibly nice until you realize they are the world's largest pain in the ass! it's so sneaky! you want to put up with them, because they are or appear to be nice people, stuck in their own jobbig-ness. nice so easily turns into jobbig, and I have yet to figure out how that works.

Triathlon, here I come!

2011-04-06T13:52:00.001+02:00

This is me (ahem) in my latest photoshoot for 2XU performance wear.

Okay, so my last post was a bit heavy, I admit it. But these things are real! I have heard from a lot of readers who face similar things, so I guess I'm not alone in my wildly elaborate reflections and hang ups.

But I've been told, by a lot of wise and experienced gurus, that one of the best ways to get through a funk is to find attainable, reachable goals to reach for. Which is why, as some of you may know, I have decided to train for a Spring distance triathlon!

And because you all know me so well, and understand that sometimes I don't follow through with things like this, only talk about them, non-stop, until I have talked so much and magically missed the last application date.... I signed up today! For two races! Both taking place in August, two weeks apart.

It's true.

So before I go picking out one-piece spandex, I need to get some serious swim, bike and run time logged. Starting with a very reachable, moderate (the M word!!!) goal of running 5k twice a week. Check.

Then, start swimming to work on technique, so I can clear the 400m swim in competition without totally wearing myself out.

Then, cycling. This requires a bike, and a lot of patience. I think it's boring, and spinning has not been at the top of my list of training forms, but I think this could be a good lesson for me. Patience, perseverance, humility, child-like wonder and learning new things.

THEN I can start shopping for too-tight spandex to wrap my mean tri-machine in!

Who's with me?

*crickets*

Anyone? Robert? Are you out there?

Ponderings from The Labrador

2011-04-04T19:19:00.000+02:00

aside from not keeping up with my blog these days, i am faced with a dilemma. well, there are a multitude of dilemmas in life, but currently the one plaguing me has to do with body image and exercise/dieting.

be warned: you are about to get a dose of reality, there i no sunshiney positivity here, just raw, unadultered, cynical (sometimes funny) self reflection. if you're not in the mood for that, read-no-more.

i had a wonderful chat with my dear friend Robert the other day, and felt i was open for almost the first time about the realities of how i eat and exercise. i talked to Robert because it's not always easy to have these kinds of chats with one's partner. they are almost too close to the epicenter of the sugar and caffeine eruption to see clearly. and i myself am in no position to evaluate my habits, since i'm the one perpetuating them.

so. what it really comes down to is self-control. most of you know i have very little of this at my disposal. at times, i have even been fondly called "The Labrador" for my compulsion to eat delicious things in huge quantities, taking very few breaths in the process.

furthermore, how i feel about self-control: it's a lie. it's mystical. it's a fabricated, conjured up idea to keep everyone hating themselves for indulging in life's finer things (wine, women, caffiene, sugar and late nights).

Yours truly,

The Labrador (woof)

at any rate, that's been my conception of self-control for a long time. aside from the "women" part of this list, i have had a serious problem with moderation when it comes to all of the above articles, almost always, but definitely as of late. just too much of everything, and no real desire to cut back.

too much caffeine because of my odd hours at work. and because i love how coffee tastes and tend to drink it when i'm thirsty.

too much sugar, because i choose sweet things, by default, when i want something yummy. and because so much of what we eat today has SO much sugar in it. milk, for example (seriously!!?) and soy products... plus many other things that we think are good for us, which are essentially not.

too much wine (or booze of any kind) because i love feeling giddy in the company of good friends. and recently, there have been a lot of reasons to feel giddy (weddings, bachellorette parties, waffle parties, after work, going away parties...)

we must never forget, the biggest factor in this whole dilemma, moderation is not my middle name. it's Labrador. no i'm kidding, it's Marie, but that's totally not the point.

the point is, my dilemma is multi-faceted. i need to practice moderation with food and alcohol. i also need to exercise more, which i seem to have no problem with as i love being active and have found new. engaging ways to train.

SO WHY THE FUCK IS THIS STILL SO GOD'AM HARD!!!?

i'll tell you why (okay, this is a partial answer, worth only half points):

there are too many "solutions"... too many "plans" and "programs" and acronyms for diets that people are doing, it makes my head spin. low carb high fat... no gluten... no dairy... no wheat... no sugar... protein based, powder based (which i would never do, by the way), weight watchers, fat fighers, sugar sinners, pork pukers, grapefruits only, laxative diets...

IT'S INSANE! the minute someone like me, with very little self-control, zero patience and poor eating habits get their greasy little sugar-coated hands on a "plan" like any of those listed above, we get totally turned on by the idea of rock hard abs by summer. but the dirty, nasty truth is that if we just changed the way we thought about food, the way we consumed it and the way we felt about all of this, the problem would be solved. it doesn't matter how many bloody crunches or sun salutations we do, we will never lose weight or be fitter, because we still eat SHITTY THINGS!

easier said than done. totally. i get it. it's like, "yeah, just change the way you have always viewed food, eating and the culture around that, and you'll be all good." it's a lifelong process, and it's beginning slowly, gradually, with every day that passes. i'm starting to see things in a new way. but it's fucking hard, man.

namely, because i love cupcakes.

the other thing is, i'm not terribly overweight. i wouldn't even say that i am moderately overweight. i don't fall into the category of people who require a major life change, i just want to feel better. i've always been solidly built, but my physique has changed over the last few years, because of a reduced gym regiment and a lot more sitting around at work, plus the aforementioned canine tendencies. although i am still quite athletic, i am by no means the girl i used to be (because of age, time passing, biology, abuses to my body, bad habits etc).

which would be FINE if i didn't feel like my potential was so much greater than what i have become. i see the potential there, under a layer of soft, doughy cupcake, and all i want to do is just carve a little bit of that away to reveal... something healthier. a carrot maybe. a carrot is less sexy than a cupcake in real life, but when it comes to body image, carrot wins. carrot trumps cupcake.

i want to do this. for me.

anyway. this will not turn into a pathetic rant (maybe it already has), but i am interested to see if anyone else out there struggles with these things (of course you do, but will you share with me?)

it's strange, because i have never been bothered to think, let alone feel anything about this subject, but as i approach 30, i begin to realize i need to take better care of this container i've been given. not to mention the stuff in it (i.e. my protesting liver, angry kidneys and stressed out little ticker).

right. so... feel free to rant away in the comment box (woof)

i may have been unfaithful, but i'm BACK!

2011-03-23T19:03:00.000+01:00

I am so, so, so deeply sorry, Blogiverse! I have been deeply unfaithful to my blog, since I have acquired Twitter on my iPhone and simultaneously the Blogger app stopped working (what's up with that Blogger?) it has been harder and harder for me to find time to blog properly and regularly.

I feel like I'm cheating on my blog with Twitter. Or Osfoora, which is the app I use. But "shit the same" as they say here in Sweden. I have been having such an incredible spring so far, and on the family front, we have lots of cool things planned for the summer and fall (road trips, travel, hiking, weddings, drunkenness, hen parties, sun, vacation, exercise and lots more!) so all is looking quite sunny for the Milton-da Silvas!

In the news:
- Since my last post, I have been to a hen party, a wedding, been sick, trained a lot, trained not at all, worked, worked, worked, been drunk more than twice and decided in reality all I need is one glass of wine to be truly, sincerely happy. So much more, obviously, but this is a recap.
- I will officially start training for my spring triathlon next week. This weekend I might even fit in a swim with Roberto! Would be cool to test my water-wings and see how my front crawl has held up over the years. A wet suit is also necessary, but not until it's warm enough to swim in the sea, that's phase 3. Next on the agenda: Phase 2! Find a used racing bike, some shoes and clip in! The race is August 20 just outside Gothenburg. Distances? Don't faint in amazement yet, they are by no means jaw dropping, but for me this will be a challenge: Swim = 400m, Bike = 20km, Run = 5km.
- MORE VLOGS are on the way! I just need some good content, so I am working on that. Suggestions?

Anyway, that's all for now!

OH! And somehow in my typical Alana blur of social madness and unconcentration, I managed to fuck up my master archive disk with everything I have ever made being lost in the process. I have so far not succeeded in recovering anything from it, so we will have to keep our fingers crossed and our thumbs held! Hence the lack of photos in this post, I just am not inspired to hunt after them in my older disks right now. Heartbreak takes a while to heal ;)

from under the light tent

2011-03-08T12:43:00.000+01:00

from under the light tent, comes magic!

Portrait of a Warrior

2011-03-03T12:10:00.000+01:00

My iPhone, which I love and abuse. My first attempt at product photography. So far so good, yeah?

holy break my friggin' heart already, Adele!!

2011-03-02T21:31:00.001+01:00

Lady Gaga - Born this Way (Video Premiere)

2011-02-28T17:23:00.001+01:00

This just makes me smile, ear to skeleton ear.

new favorite music video

2011-02-28T13:16:00.001+01:00

Baby Trashes Bar

2011-02-22T13:08:00.000+01:00

A film made by a Swedish filmmaker, starring his one year old daughter. The more you watch it, the more she seems like a very intoxicated senior citizen on a charter trip. Enjoy, but please be warned: you will laugh yourself to death, or at least pee your pants a little.

holiday photos and recap

2011-02-15T14:34:00.000+01:00

sorry for the delay in getting these up, but there has been lots of work to do, and not a lot of energy left over for private creative things (get your mind OUT of the gutter). and since my last blog post was a bit of a downer, i thought i would brighten your week with some fresh, gleaming pictures from the alps! we had so much fun, it doesn't even do the trip justice to try and sum it up here. but of course i'll try: ENJOY!

Saturday
Arrived late to Courmeyeur = normal Italian dinner time. Devoured person-sized pizza. Waitress was very angry and stressed. When asked if she was having a tough night, she replied "It's like a goddamned Stanley Kubrick movie..." Tucked ourselves into our two single beds, pushed together, and prepared for first day on the slopes.

Sunday

This was the day of doing things that terrify me (heights, going fast on two pieces of skinny plastic, HEIGHTS). Took an ancient gondola to 2764m above sea level. That's high. Skied really fast down a shadowy, steep slope, and loved it. Considered doing the famous Valle Blanche tour, off-piste skiing on a glacier between Italy and France. Bad snow conditions curbed my daredevil ambitions, and I was satisfied with conquering two major fears today. Discovered an interesting neighbor town to Courmeyeur on a map.

Monday

Took the bus to a nearby ski town called La Thuile. Skied to France and back in one day (it was kind of far, and very cold, so we stopped a lot to warm our feet, see below). We got run over by an English woman who was rather unfamiliar with skis and what they do when you put them on your feet. Both Jenny's skis went flying over the edge of the mountain, we thought they were gone forever, but they got stuck in the snow. Needless to say, we dropped that British bird faster than a hot potato. I slept all the way home on the bus.

Tuesday

This was our "sun and cigarette" day, as they say in Sweden. Except we don't smoke, so it was just sun and coffee, beer, tiramisu, lots of good company and breaks. Lovely. I felt a little bit of knee pain, so we did a bit of walking around and shopping. I met with the lift manager about maybe trading some photos for a lift card, but they said I have to send the photos and will maybe get a discount the next time I come to Courmeyeur. Hmm. We investigated booking a snowshoe trip across a glacier up at Ponte Hellbronner (very high up, great view, good for photos) but the weather ended up not being good enough to see much near the end of the week when we would go. Bummer.

Wednesday

Today was a long awaited day. First, we took an excursion to Cervinia. This is a great ski system, which connects to Zermatt, the town which is famous for the Toblerone mountain (Matterhorn) which is shaped like the chocolate. Not sure which came first, I'm guess the mountain. Anyway. We got there, took the 25 minute lift up (that's long, by lift standards) and realized that I was at the highest point I had ever been on earth. With someone else's skis. I had taken someone else's rentals, that looked exactly like mine. Terrified and freezing, I found a handy Italian stallion to fix them, and off we went. It was -20 degrees at the top, and windy, so there was not much time to talk. Jenny took off, and I was convinced we were on our way to Switzerland, so was yelling after her like a mad person, exclaiming
"THIS IS NOT FUN! DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUN?! YOU SKI PEOPLE ARE SICK!" It was funny later on. We got to this amazing chalet and sat in the sun to warm up, drinking hot wine and people watching. David Bowie provided the soundtrack. We survived the day, with loads of great photos and even got this really nice note in the reception when we got back. The toilets were especially nice in Cervinia.

Thursday
Our friends Miranda, Louise and Jesper arrived late on Wednesday night, so we spent the day with them today skiing hard and fast all over the Courmeyeur system. It was lots of fun, though I was totally beat after lunch and went down early to catch a nap and shower before dinner. It's amazing to feel your own development after just a week of skiing. I feel like it's something I could really grow to love. I had a lovely after-ski with Jesper on their balcony, talking about his job as a policeman and got to know him a bit better, which was really nice.

Friday
I don't really remember much of the rest of the week, since it was a bit of skiing, a bit of resting, a lot of eating, drinking and hanging out. We kept really great company in Jesper, Miranda and Louise, but also had some bonus friends in Johan and Magnus, who are two actors from Stockholm who were filming something together. We also spent a lot of time with Miranda's parents Kent and Anne, who were great dinner company. We even got to take the bus from Courmeyeur with an old friend who we haven't seen in AGES... Elizabeth! She was skiing in a neighboring town, and we laughed the whole two hours to Geneva.

THE END!

there had been sun

2011-02-10T17:49:00.000+01:00

back then, there had been sun.
that was a long time ago.
now there is only shadow covering this station.

i stay on the train, because if i get off, i will be stuck here.
here, where i left you standing,
then turning,
then walking away.

you didn't even wave to me.

back then, the platform grew smaller as the train pulled away,
a field of windmills stood waving at me, instead.
i looked away, their long arms mocking me.
i didn't cry, not right then.
but it was only a matter of time before the rain would come,

and so it rains today.

it wouldn't be long until i would return here,
and see you standing on that platform,
covered in rain.
you're there every time i pass by
a mile marker on this ghostly line.

the truth is, your town was never my destination.
it was only somewhere i needed to visit.
and you,
you were born a fading figure.

not looking back at me
the way i looked back at you, searching for an outstretched hand, waving.
hoping you'd miss me.
expecting you to miss me.
the way i already missed you.

Thanks, Highwaisted.

2011-02-03T22:33:00.001+01:00

Do you know that every time I go to write your name, I almost write "Highwaister" EVERYTIME?

I miss you today, New York

2011-02-02T10:58:00.000+01:00

i survived!

2011-01-31T17:57:00.000+01:00

welcome home to me!

there is a LOT i have to tell you all about our trip, which i might do in a vlog, or a combination of animated epic films, because this trip was OFF THE CHARTS amazing. i can't really begin to describe it. but it had all the elements of a great story...

drama (arriving at 3000m to find i have the wrong skiis)
romance (quiet nights in, watching movies and enjoying the mountain solitude)
location (at the foot of mt. blanc in the Italian alps)
food (pizza the size of a person)
intrigue (is our hotel hostess gay or not?)
mystery (is the taxi driver's name Vincenzo or Hugo?)

and much, much more...

stay tuned!

Potty Mouthed Grandma

2011-01-20T15:34:00.001+01:00

James Franco and his Grandma send a very warm, genial, holiday greeting to all.

Christmas Greetings From the Franco's from James Franco

And just in case THAT cuteness wasn't enough...

2011-01-17T10:17:00.002+01:00

No, I'm joking, this is just for fun, and not cute... rambly, long, annoying, nonsense.

Don't say I didn't warn you!

If the previous cuteness wasn't enough...

2011-01-17T10:08:00.001+01:00

Just imagine the cuteness

2011-01-14T13:56:00.001+01:00

My Aunt and Uncle might have the cutest kids alive. But I'm biased, and I could say this about all my Aunts and Uncles, because all my cousins are uh-dorable. But really, these three steal my heart every time I see them (now I just have to visit more to help them remember me.... ha ha ha). I got this video in an email they sent me, which stated, and I quote:

"It's the only way I can get everyone out of bed in the am and then they come rushing down to watch and then we catch ourselves humming (or for those that can whistling) along for hours after."

Can you just imagine these three, gathered around the computer dancing and singing? This is one of those days I wish I lived closer...

The good ol' days... with Vacuity

2011-01-14T09:51:00.000+01:00

I was just reliving the good ol' days... listening to"At the Command of the Blanket Sky", the third album from Vacuity, a band based out of my hometown in Kitchener-Waterloo.

I remember sitting on a washing machine (or was it a dryer?) in the basement of their old house on Victoria Street, listening to what I imagine were rough sketches for this album, years ago. Even though my inebriated haze, I could tell these dudes had something goin' on. I didn't discover them, but I do love them.

And the kicker is:

I downloaded one of my favorite albums ever, for free, from www.vacuity.net... because I can. They let you, and they encourage you to download their entire, self-made, gorgeous, delicious, impeccable album totally for free. What better reason could you have to go download it right now? That's the only reason I needed, aside from their obvious awesomeness... That, and I gave my hard copy away last year to another music lover who I thought would appreciate both the music (which she did) and the artwork (which I am yet to get specific feedback on, but I'm sure she loved that too, boys...)

Anyway...

The moral of the story is, you should support this band, because:

a) they are so stupidly talented, it's... stupid. seriously.
b) they do everything themselves. almost. and so need support from dedicated fans-to-be, like you.
c) they are 4 of the nicest guys ever to hit stuff, strum stuff, pluck stuff, sing stuff or dance stuff... ever.
d) they are trying to do their part in changing the way people enjoy music. that is, for free when possible and when i say enjoying music, i mean also that you should enjoy new and exciting music, music that evolves, music that makes a difference in your day. that's what you'll get with this band.

Why are you still reading this?!!! Get going...

I live in a movie

2011-01-14T09:35:00.000+01:00

Last night, as I was reflecting out loud about my day, the conversations I had during the day and the things I've been dealing with in my life lately:

Alana: I'm pretty flawed, you know...
Jenny: What does that mean? Flawed...?
Alana: It means parts of me are very, very far from perfect.
Jenny: Right, so, you're human.
Alana: Yeah.
Jenny: Hm. That's okay. Even the sun has spots.

Double Rainbow Porn?

2011-01-13T16:51:00.000+01:00

I can NOT believe this is for real.

This is Robyn's favorite song of the moment apparently...

2011-01-13T16:46:00.001+01:00

Oh. My. God.

2011-01-12T10:09:00.002+01:00

I want to make stuff like this. Can we? Please?

Hold Up

2011-01-07T17:14:00.000+01:00

Hey! I found this short film that was made by a director I worked with a few years ago. She's got some pretty amazing credits under her belt, and is almost a perennial figure at Sundance with oddball, hilarious shorts. Anyway... watch this! If you any I share the same sense of humor, you'll love it.

Grace Potter - Apologies

2011-01-04T15:10:00.000+01:00

Such a lovely song, and the lyrics are just... eloquent, i think.

Yesterday he said my eyes were fading fast away
I said well what do you expect, you asked me not to stay
and if it had all been for the best I wouldn't feel this way
And he said, oh he said

it's crazy how love stays with me
You know it hurts me 'cause I don't wanna fight this war
It's amazing to see me reading through this scene
Of love and fear and apologies

My love is like a blanket that gets a little bit too warm sometimes
I wanna wrap somebody in it who can hold me in his arms
Cause when it got a little too hot in there
He was always stepping out for air and he froze
Oh he froze

He said it's crazy how love stays with me
You know it hurts me 'cause I don't wanna fight this war
It's amazing to see me reading through this scene
Of love and fear and apologies

Yesterday he looked at me with a tear in his eye and said
I'll always tell you you're my friend I hope i don't have to lie
Cause it's clear you love another man
I said you're damn right
And he said oh he said

it's crazy how love stays with me
You know it hurts me 'cause I don't wanna fight this war
It's amazing to see me reading through this scene
Of love and fear and apologies
He said it's crazy how love stays with me
You know it hurts me that i didn't figure it out before
And now it's too late for a soliloquy
It's way too late for dignity
It's time for apologies

regarding comments

2011-01-03T13:04:00.000+01:00

you all know i love getting comments. it feeds my self esteem. ha ha ha... no, but really, i enjoy reading your thoughts, and i am so grateful that you read the blog! but... i find it both interesting but mostly infuriating when people leave comments as anonymous... is that strange of me? should i not care? i am not entirely sure...

but if you can manage it, please leave your name! i would love to write you back!

Welcome to 2011! A year of miracles?

2011-01-03T12:28:00.000+01:00

I have been lost in a labyrinth of snot, kleenex, ginger snaps, champagne, mojitos, and renting movies, so I must apologize for my absence from the blog! And especially the vlog... although, I could have done another episode inside a paper bag, considering my condition last week... We shall see. Maybe the New Year has brought about new ways for me to communicate to you all out there

Anyway, I am back at work today, which feels AMAZING I have to say. I kind of dreaded it this morning, which resulted in arriving to work at 10:30 instead of the planned 08:30. It's truly amazing what I will prioritize when I really, REALLY don't want to do something... like, clipping my nails. Or doing dishes at 08:30. Or reading email on my iPhone instead of on a computer, because it takes more time, thus delaying the inevitable.

But since no one really keeps track of when I arrive at work, it was totally okay. It seemed my colleagues had a similar approach to the first Monday back after the holidays. One was already here, still in his jacket, bringing his Macbook to life, and another sauntered in a couple minutes after me. I love working in a creative office. There's always candy here, and I don't have to clock in or out.

But in all seriousness, this month will be packed! I have a lot of ideas that I want to put into action, some that need serious completion, and others that need to be electrocuted, otherwise they will forever sit in the dark cellar of my imagination, never to see the light of day.

Among the things I want to do this year are (but not limited to) the following:

- Write a feature script
- Write and shoot a short film
- Have a photo exhibition somewhere
- Practice yoga more mindfully
- Go to India and live in an ashram for a while
- Go to Hong Kong and visit Mattias, Eva and their new little Alfred
- Go to Indonesia to surf in Bali
- Make it back to New York sometime in the fall
- Be in Canada for Christmas next year
- Achieve world greatness and domination in all things

Thats pretty much all. What do you guys have planned?